Will hosting an Au Pair impact my marriage?

From an Au Pair mom.

(Anna T., a host mother and an author of articles about hosting an au pair: How to hire an au pair, How to save money on an au pair program, How to welcome your new au pair.)

Will having a young beautiful woman with an exotic accent living in my home, make the atmosphere uncomfortable for my husband?

Many potential host mothers don’t voice this question, a few brave ones do; but almost everybody thinks about it at some point, or thinks they are above this uncomfortable concern.

But this is a real concern, and to help a family decide that hosting an au pair is a good solution for them, we have to talk about it. In the news, there is often a story like that of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Schriever, who are breaking up after decades of marriage because of an affair with a nanny.

One thing to realize is that in cases of marital infidelity, usually the marriage is in trouble before it happens, or a spouse is struggling with his own demons. Opportunities to be unfaithful abound outside ones home.

One important thing to consider before deciding to host an au pair, is the stability of your marital relationship. Before deciding to get an au pair, ensure that your relationship with your spouse is stable, open, and trusting.

Another factor to consider, is that any healthy heterosexual man is attracted to women. Even the most faithful, loving husband might be uncomfortable living in the same house with a woman he considers hot, who is not his wife. This is where bringing your husband on board when selecting an au pair is key – make sure to involve him in the process, and ask him if the candidate is someone he can comfortably live with for a year.

Most my au pairs were stunningly beautiful, in my opinion. However, in my husband’s opinion, they looked like his sister – after all, he finds me beautiful and I think I am plain. This is a touchy matter and very subjective, so openly talking with your spouse during the matching process is a must. If he has a secret crush on Angelina Jolie, selecting an au pair look-alike can be foolish – but it might be wiser to match with a Marilyn Monroe type. 🙂

And the third important consideration is to make sure that you and your husband are both comfortable with the decision to host an au pair, male or female, who is of an opposite sex to one of you. It is important to talk about boundaries and how you see the relationship with your future au pair.

Will a wife be comfortable if a husband casually watches movies with an au pair after kids are asleep? Will a husband be comfortable if his wife gives a male au pair a hug as a greeting?